My Soul's Brief Visit with Depression
My soul has been drifting really close to depression land lately. My soul doesn’t feel completely hopeless, but it is experiencing somewhat of a sense of hope deferred. It’s really an interesting dynamic that happens inside of me. I hear the voice of Holy Spirit. He speaks to my spirit being very clearly. I take copious amounts of notes when He is speaking because I don’t want to lose what He’s said or misspeak it later on. After I listen, daily, my spirit gets to work. My entire being is very jovial about moving forward with the agenda and steps I’ve been given. However, my soul… My soul still gets trapped in the 3D world it sees. It starts to perceive my reality as wrong because it is different. My mind starts to feel warped and then begins to think, “Did Holy Spirit really say that?” Usually, I am very good about reining my soul back in. I will remind it that we are sticking to what Holy Spirit has spoken, but then sometimes my soul feels the pressure of darkness. It’s presses so earnestly up against me, almost to the point that I feel like I am going to combust. And then… Then one of two things happens: I either begin to feel anxious or I start to feel depressed. Anxiety (fear of the future) is usually my soul’s go to method of expressing what it doesn’t understand. But sometimes, on rare occasions, my soul decides to default to depression (hopelessness). The hopelessness really leans into me and begins to try to crush the process and path of forward movement I am on. When I have moments like this, I can usually push myself forward. But, on Thursday, my soul was tapped out. She didn’t want to keep going. Because I am so self-motivated and self-disciplined, I was able to accomplish my work…. Except for one challenging thing. I looked at the challenging project and said, “It can wait until tomorrow. I just don’t feel like I can push myself to do this today.” So, I walked away from it. Which I never do. Immediately after this decision, I wanted to lie down and cry, and then just completely complain to Holy Spirit for a moment. However, I chose to tell myself this, "Amanda, this low feeling is just a projection of hopelessness onto your soul. You are fine. We are fine. The spirit is fine. The spirit is willing and able." So, I went to bed that night and then chose to pick myself up the next morning and moved forward. In the midst of moving forward, I heard Holy Spirit say, “I want to extend more courage to your soul.” As I received the courage, I saw (in the spirit) a spotlight that looked like an open portal. Through the stream of light, I could see diamonds flowing down. They just kept flowing like water from a faucet. They looked so delicate and radiant. They were fine and very pristine. They captivated me when I saw them. Holy Spirit said, "That's more revelation. It's ready for you to engage it when you are ready." As I prepared myself, I asked one of my angels if he would take out his pouch and receive it. He did and said, "It's an abundance, Amanda. I don't know what you've done to receive it, but it is an abundance of wealth." Then, in the spirit, I could see my spirit gently sorting through the pouch of diamonds. Every single one of them was etched with the words, "Keep going." Holy Spirit said, "Amanda, do you know what it means to keep going? I mean what it truly means to keep going?" I said, “I think I do, but I suppose that I don't since you just gave me this sack of diamonds that read, ‘keep going.’ So, what does it really mean.” He said, "To keep going means you have decided over and over and over again to continue to overcome the obstacles in front of you. Often times the obstacles are of your own doing. The enemy doesn't put them there. Instead, you come to a place where your mind and emotions begin to become outwitted by the process of where I am leading your spirit. The process overwhelms the soul because the soul cannot keep up with the next. I see your soul right now. I see how challenged she is to keep up with the process. I see that she is tired and aggravated. She keeps hearing the promises I speak to your spirit. She's heard the promises for the better half of 15 years. She's heard them over and over and over again to no end. But she is ready to see the fulfillment of them. The fulfillment will come. But that doesn't mean she's going to sit down and sulk until they come. Instead, she needs to move with you as a unit. She needs to follow your spirit into the next.” After I received the revelation into my spirit, my soul felt better. Actually, the sense of hopelessness I felt began to lift. By noon on Friday, I felt like myself again. I could strongly sense joy begin to rush into the realm of my soul as it lifted me up and reminded me of the goodness of God and His faithfulness in my life.
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