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The Blog
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Smile for Me Baby
Since I’ve been missing dad so much, we finally decided to set up an old TV/VCR and watch home videos. Three hours later, I was grateful....
Amanda Winder
Jul 14, 20143 min read
Birthdays
Dad, I wish you were here today. When I told you I would be home in July for your birthday, you discouraged it. You wanted me to travel...
Amanda Winder
Jul 9, 20142 min read
Stuff...
It fascinates me how much we care about the physical… how much we care about the way we look, our clothes, cars, jobs and houses. It’s...
Amanda Winder
Jul 7, 20143 min read
Judgement
Last night was the first outing we went on as a family without dad…. and it kind of sucked. It was great to celebrate the engagement of a...
Amanda Winder
Jul 5, 20143 min read
Life
For the last few days I’ve been thinking about how wonderful life is… how good it is to live and be alive. Honestly, death sucks… but...
Amanda Winder
Jul 4, 20143 min read
Disappointment
Not gonna lie… I’m being a little selfish this morning. Sometimes being an adult sucks because you have to make decisions, decisions that...
Amanda Winder
Jul 2, 20143 min read
Feelings
How do I feel right now? I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel, but I’ve been trying to answer this question for myself all morning. I...
Amanda Winder
Jul 1, 20143 min read
Just Live
Yesterday… yesterday I felt like the most boring version of myself possible. Seriously. After working on paperwork and thank you letters...
Amanda Winder
Jun 28, 20144 min read
Protection
When we were kids, a friend down the street had a bunch of invisible lizards. They were contaminated from some sort of chemical and the...
Amanda Winder
Jun 27, 20144 min read
Good v Evil
Cancer… it feels like it’s everywhere right now. People with it, people getting checked for it, the fear of it.. The fear of sickness and...
Amanda Winder
Jun 26, 20145 min read
Realness
Life is starting to adjust without dad being here. It feels weird too. It feels weird to see Bridge pack dad’s small suitcase to take...
Amanda Winder
Jun 25, 20144 min read
Mom
I had a dream last night and dad was in it… or at least he was communicating with me through text messages. It felt so real, and it had...
Amanda Winder
Jun 24, 20143 min read
Bitterness
What’s the hardest part about death? Well, I don’t know yet.. The pain is real but it’s a different kind of pain. I’ve never experienced...
Amanda Winder
Jun 23, 20143 min read
Fear
Money. I have this strange relationship with money and fear… well fear is the what makes our relationship strange. See dad had a huge...
Amanda Winder
Jun 22, 20145 min read
Grief
It’s Saturday… none of us want to do anything, but I don’t want to sit here either because then I have to think…. And I don’t wanna think...
Amanda Winder
Jun 21, 20143 min read
Happiness
People keep saying, “aren’t you glad you have Jesus?” “Isn’t it great to know God is comforting you?” “How do people make it without...
Amanda Winder
Jun 21, 20144 min read
Closeness
I’m still numb… and it’s odd because I’ve been drinking, so you’d think I’d be a little more emotional or thoughtful about this...
Amanda Winder
Jun 21, 20143 min read
Frozen
Today is the first morning I woke up, walked past the office and expected to see my dad sitting at his desk working on numbers… or on the...
Amanda Winder
Jun 20, 20144 min read
Family
Now, I’m not walking around with my chin to the ground. And I’m not depressed, bawling my eyes out, or pessimistic about life… but I am...
Amanda Winder
Jun 20, 20144 min read
Change
Some thing else that’s bothering me is the fact that God could’ve healed him. I know some of the reasons he didn’t, and I have to make...
Amanda Winder
Jun 19, 20143 min read
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