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Driving Up Darkness

I would be lying if I said, “The month of June was a breeze.” My soul and body realms have been so challenged lately. It’s taken everything in me to remain spirit forward with my “eyes on the prize.” And while most of the spiritual warfare has been manageable and strictly isolated within my soul, I was not expecting June to become an all-out attempt to sink my body realm. 

Or so I thought…

It all started the first week of the month. Holy Spirit told me, “I am depositing a greater measure of glory into your energy field today. You need it to go forward. Welcome it in!” 

So, I welcomed it in and went forward with my day. However, the next day, I woke up feeling somewhat “off.” Of course, I didn’t speak about it. I don’t like to pay any attention to sickness in my body because I don’t want it to grow into something bigger with the amplification of my words. 

But, after a few days, the “off” feeling, was a sore throat. Which then turned into something more. And, by Friday, I was toast. Completely “sick.” I was angry too. I was angry that I had paid such little attention to this “off” feeling and it had still somehow manifested into my reality. 

The worst part was the cough. I had a perpetual cough that would not leave, especially at night.

The entire time I am thinking in my spirit, “You are fine, Amanda. This is spiritual warfare from the outpouring of glory you just received in your energy field. You’ve got to continue to press through the way your body realm is feeling.”

About a week into the coughing “sickness” that I couldn’t seem to shake, my mentor sees something in the spirit while she’s praying for me. She can see something Holy Spirit wants to work out inside of me that is connected to a time when I was overweight and incredibly insecure. I tell my mentor, “I haven’t a clue what this is.” My mentor says, “I don’t either, but Holy Spirit is trying to make more room for glory to fill you, so you need to figure this out with Him so you can carry more glory.”

Determined, I discussed it with Holy Spirit. For the most part, He was silent, but encouraged me to “move forward.” The next night, I couldn’t sleep. The coughing was so bad. I laid in my bed for hours, tossing and turning. At one point, I could feel something in the back of my throat. It felt like a small vine. I tried to swallow, but it wouldn’t leave me. I finally fell asleep. Two hours later, I wake up coughing worse than before. I walk into the living room and my sister, who is still awake, says, “You okay? You sound like, ‘Little Amanda.’” I said, “I feel like her.” 

Now, my sister was referring to my five-year-old self. When I was five, I had a lot of breathing problems. The breathing problems caused me to get sick A LOT. So, I spent years coughing. In the midst of the breathing problems and coughing, I was prescribed too many steroids. The steroids caused my appetite to grow and my metabolism to become wonky. This laid a foundation for the one-hundred pounds of weight I would eventually lose fifteen years later.

So, as I am standing in my living room identifying my five-year-old self, I tell my sister, “This cough is connected to my childhood. Whatever our mentor saw in the spirit the other night is connected to this! You know, right before I fell asleep, I could feel this vine-like thing in the back of my throat that wouldn’t leave.”

Immediately, my sister said, “Oh it’s a small snake! I can see it in the spirit!”

I said, “Yes! It feels like there was a frequency deposited inside of me when I was five to make me feel small and insecure. I think this is the reason I still have so many body insecurities. I have tried and tried to overcome this for so many years. I have gained MAJOR strides, especially right after I lost the weight; however, I still get hung up. Something is still off and I’ve had enough of it!”

After I said that, we both decided to pray through it. I started to repent for where I had aligned myself with a death-giving frequency. As I repented, my sister could see the snake in the spirit realm leave. Then my cough stopped and didn’t come back.

The next morning, I asked Holy Spirit about it in depth. He said, “There was a death frequency inside of your heart realm. A frequency created to bring you low and keep you lower than low. I uprooted it last night. You should feel more confident now as you go forward into the next thing.”

I was stunned about how short-winded He was about my experience. I thought, “There must be more He is going to uncover inside of me concerning this.”

A few days later, I started to see blisters all over my midsection. Again, I was angry something was attacking my body realm. I was actually so angry that I went into full complaint mode about it. I told my sister, “I have red blisters all over my midsection. They itch. I think it’s a heat rash. This is so strange; I have never gotten a heat rash. I mean, it is summer, but it’s not that hot! Plus, it’s on an area of my midsection that I really hate.”

And that’s when it hit me…. “Ohhhh, this is about my body insecurities. I bet I have this heat rash because of the amount of hate I have towards my body. I have spent so many years (as a kid, a teen, and then a young adult) cursing the skin on my midsection for being stretched out after gaining so much weight and then losing it. Holy Spirit wants me to work through this. He must be using this, like He used the cough to get my attention.”

After realizing this, I decided to take all of my word curses to the courts of Heaven. I repented for the amount of time and energy I’ve spent cursing my body realm for the events that took place. I also repented for every word curse I spoke over it. 

The next day, the heat rash was gone and the blisters were crusty and scabbed. I was astonished. 


In this moment, I cannot tell you how I entirely feel about everything that’s occurred. I know in my spirit there is more to this because I am still having intruding thoughts about my body. I know Holy Spirit wants to do more work here. I am certain. 

And though I am very excited about the amount of freedom He is bringing me; I am most curious about the events that led to this moment. All of this started at the beginning of June when I chose to welcome more glory into my energy field. As soon as I made that choice, my body realm freaked out. It’s like every impurity in me came up to the surface and wanted to be dealt with immediately. The glory drove the darkness inside of me up, and then Holy Spirit used that darkness through physical manifestations to help me gain a deeper level of inner healing and freedom. 

So, it wasn’t spiritual warfare like I initially thought. Instead, it was darkness within me being conquered so the glory that entered my energy field can fill the places the darkness has overtaken. 

And, I don’t know what to do with “that” reality yet, but it’s left me in a deeper awe of who God is and how His processes will uproot what’s inside of us so that we can manifest more of His glory in the earth realm.   

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Your commitment to always digging deeper is so admirable 🖤🌱🔥

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