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Only Through

When you were a kid, do you remember thinking about who you wanted to be when you grew up one day?

I was five years old when I knew. My grandparents (who were in full-time healing ministry) took me to Alaska for a healing and Holy Spirit conference they were holding at a church. Since the time I could speak, I always wanted to travel with them, but I wasn’t “old enough yet.” However, when I turned five, my parents finally decided I was old enough to go.

So, I went to Alaska. It’s the first time I can remember laying my hands on someone and praying for them to be healed. I was completely infatuated and deeply drawn into the manifestation of God’s presence and His glory. Watching the power of God funnel itself through a human vessel was the most intriguing thing to me.

In that moment, I knew, I want “this” one day. I don’t know what “this” is exactly. But whatever “it” is, I will carry it.

As I got older, my thoughts were muddled some. Being a teenager is a confusing time. But around the age of 17 years old, I was at it again… Thinking about God’s presence… Daydreaming about the glory of God… Wondering, “How does a human carry such a powerful substance?”

It was also around that age that I made a decision to pursue the path Holy Spirit designed for me. I would walk the narrow path He placed me on and, eventually, I would connect to and build the vision that was rapidly expanding inside of me.

It’s been about 17 years since I made that decision. The vision has developed, grown and matured far past my teenage expectations. Actually, it has greatly exceeded my expectations. It’s taken on a form that looks nothing like a church or a conference center filled with people. Instead, it is everything I hoped for, but more than I can properly express.

In this moment, everything I’ve experienced so far looks great in hindsight. I can see the dots (even the few I missed and God had to seriously reroute because I didn’t listen) connect with ease. However, there is still a missing component. The presence of God is very alive and active in my life, but the glory… Well, it’s a small flame right now. It hasn’t become a blazing fire yet.

The funny thing is, in order for it to become a blazing fire, I have to keep moving forward. I cannot stop where I am and settle. Settling down in this moment would mean I will never reach the fullness of all that’s intended.

Also, it’s important to mention that I never signed a terms and conditions page when I told Holy Spirit, I would follow Him. Meaning that He has walked me through some of the most challenging things (like the death of my father) and there’s been no way around them. Only through.

Only through the fiery moments are we refined into all we’ve been created to be.

Why? Well, because refinement removes unwanted impurities so that we become pure vessels on the inside. Our being: spirit, soul, heart, and body cannot carry a substance as precious and valuable as glory without being completely refined.

Now the frustrating part for the heart and soul are the multiple and continuous seasons of refinement. Just when you think you’re finished, He taps you on the shoulder and points to the blazing furnace in front of you. He says, “Go ahead and walk through it. It will only burn up the parts of you we don’t need. Everything else will stay in place. Actually, everything else in you will become purer.” So, we often clinch our teeth and hold onto Him for dear life as we walk through the next phase of His fiery refinement process.

But you know what? I’ve found that it does get easier. Somewhere in the mist of following Him through the multiple seasons of refinement, we develop a strong and sturdy sense of maturity. I believe it’s the maturity that truly deepens our desire to continue go. We’ve come too far to turn back now, and giving up would be a wasteful option. Afterall, what He’s deposited within us (from pre-conception as a human spirit until now) is costly.


We are all in different stages of refinement, development, growth and maturity. However, I do know that continuing to go is the solution. We cannot turn around or give up. We cannot settle for less than all that He’s intended. There is a greater glory than what we know at the edge of the fire we are in the mist of right now, and we must continue to walk through it so that that glory can be expressed in its fullness in the earth. So, keep going.


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