Seasonal Unlocking
It always happens in the spring… This deep inward question… “Who am I?” For years, I dreaded the spring months because I knew it meant Holy Spirit was leading me into a place that signaled, “identity crisis ahead!”
Now, it’s not that I don’t enjoy the deep pruning; however, I do hate walking around feeling like an alien in my own skin.
For several years, I would argue with Him… “Oh on! Not this AGAIN!! I don’t want to sort through my identity AGAIN! I don’t want to feel THIS uncomfortable!” But then, like clockwork, I would follow him down this path to a place of deep intimacy where I would then find myself picking through pieces of me and inspecting them thoroughly.
Over the years, I’ve grown to adore this reoccurring season. (I guess that means I’ve matured somewhat). And though it does press everything out of my soul that isn’t intended to be me, it also draws me closer into relationship with my human spirit as it forces me to lean deeper into the trans-dimensional world around me.
I find myself seeking deeper matters of the spirit and really asking myself what I believe and why I believe that way. Everything, for a brief, seasonal moment, is up for deep and thorough inspection. I feel like I am looking at myself under a magnifying glass. I can see parts of me that are an extension of light, parts of me that are an extension of darkness and then I see these new parts of me… They are parts of me that I haven’t ever connected to before, but they are eagerly trying to make their way to the surface of me so that we can connect and become one.
It's like there is a deep inner world inside of me. It’s so deep and so wide that I have to journey through this seasonal questioning of “Who am I?” to get to it. And then, once I am there, I enter this deep inner world and I am handed a key. The key unlocks parts of me I’ve never encountered before. I didn’t know these parts of me existed until I unlocked the door and entered the room. Once I am in the room, I look around and think, “This is part of me too?! Interesting. I really am THIS much?! Wow. I’ve really been given access to these grandiose and posh parts of me?! Cool.”
Then, after I spend time carefully examining the new parts of me, I ask them to join me. I invite them to integrate into the whole of Amanda. Why? Well, because I can see their value and worth. I can see that I am more whole and complete with their presence. And though these new parts and pieces do cause me to continue to feel uncomfortable for a while, eventually, I adapt to the thoughts and suggestions they give me. Eventually, I lean very deeply into the grandiose, poshness of my new found identity. Eventually, I find myself thinking, “Wow! What else is there to unlock and explore inside of me as I continue to simply follow Holy Spirit where He leads?”
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