Understanding the Blueprint

I had a moment last month where I took the next step with Holy Spirit and it shot be back in time. Where did I land? My college bedroom. I watched my younger self. She sat in great excitement and even greater wonder of what Holy Spirit had just handed her. It was mysterious in every way, but my younger self knew whatever she was looking at was the future.

The first year, my younger self was obsessive over what Holy Spirit had given her. Anyone close to me at that time would incessantly hear about the blueprint Holy Spirit had given me. I was going to talk about it whether you liked it or not. I was a girl on a mission, and I would see the mission all the way through- even though I didn’t know what I had or how to build what He’d given me.

About a year and a half in, I found myself in a very challenging position and chose to take what Holy Spirit had given me and “tuck it away.” I wasn’t going to throw it away or burn (yes burning was an option) the hundreds of pages of notes He’d given me. Instead, I was going to make peace with the fact that I didn’t know what I was doing and I couldn’t make sense of it in the moment, but that I needed to keep following. Setting the blueprint to the side, out of sight, was the best thing for my current growth. Even though it still obsessively plagued me deep down.

A few years after tucking it away, the blueprint came up again. I was shuffling through things during a move and realized I'd seen a specific part of it wrong. I needed to flip some things around. Like a mad scientist who suddenly remembers she’s a mad scientist, I obsessively went back to the lab in wonder and awe. I connected dots and more of what I never understood came together.

But then, like before, there was another signal inside of me, “You still don’t know what this is or what you’re doing. You see it, but you don’t understand it, nor do you know how to apply it.” This plagued me deeply. It was painful to stare at something my spirit was so certain of, but my soul still didn’t have the context for. So again, I tucked away what Holy Spirit had given me and left the binder to collect dust on a shelf in my NYC apartment.

It’s been sitting there for years. Untouched. Unused. I stare at it sometimes thinking, “What is that thing? Hundreds of pages. Thousands of hours. I pieced something together so intricately in one moment of my life, but I still don’t fully know what it is or what it’s for.”

Days have turned to weeks. Weeks to months. Months to years. When I published my book a few years ago, I told myself, “Maybe one day I’ll understand what that thing is. One day it will make sense.”

My life has evolved as I’ve followed Holy Spirit. I am a completely refined and much more mature version of me than I ever saw. I’m actually so much different than I ever imagined myself that my old self would probably look at my current self and then the contents of the binder and think, “She’s lost it. Those two will never connect now. She’s followed Holy Spirit, but she’s too far away from whatever ‘that’ is and was ever supposed to manifest into.”

Last month, I sat at the computer working diligently on a project. I was deeply researching elements of the project when it hit me, “The blueprint. This current project is the blueprint.” Stunned and in disbelief, I just sat staring. I couldn’t believe the way it had all come together.

For a few days, I didn’t want to think too deeply into what had just occurred. I’d had too many moments of hope deferred with this blueprint. I couldn’t pay it too much attention. If I did, what if it hurt me again? I didn’t want to feel pain like that again.

Finally, I sat with Holy Spirit and chatted about it. He was very matter of fact, showing me how I was always going to come to “this” connecting to “that.” He wasn’t shocked at all. He was more so proud and happy that the two (myself and the blueprint) had finally reached a place of connection in a way that finally made sense.

I think of the blueprint now… Meeting me all of those years ago in my college bedroom. It must’ve wondered, “Who is this girl? She can’t be the one that is going to build what’s on this paper. She's too young and immature. She looks nothing like the woman she needs to be.” But deep down in my spirit, I knew. I knew I would build it. I just didn’t know how.

Over the years, when I’ve picked up the blueprint again, I wonder what it’s thought of me, “Here she is again. Looks a little bit more like she should look, but again, this cannot be the woman who builds what’s on this paper.”

But then when I picked up the blueprint last month, I know I heard the blueprint this time say, “Oh, she is the woman to build this. She’s actually built it this time without even looking at the paper. She just knows how to build it. It’s who she’s become.”

---

In this moment, I understand that, although the blueprint matches what I’ve currently built, there is more to the story. This isn’t the end.

I also understand even deeper that there’s so much to be said about following Holy Spirit and continuing to listen to what He’s saying, no matter who you are in this very moment. I saw the vision so clearly when I was younger, but I didn’t understand how to apply it. That understanding has been cultivated as I’ve followed.

In this instantaneous world, built for our every convenience, we want everything right now. We don’t want to wait. We just want to do. That’s not how Heaven’s systems work. That’s not how cultivation works. We have to go through the process and stay engaged with the process every step of the way. We have to follow no matter the challenge or the cost. Most of the time, it doesn’t make sense because we aren’t who we need to be yet. We have to keep going. Time and timing have to intersect with who we’ve become and who we are becoming. Yes, our spirit does help us see glimmers and shades of who we are becoming, but we have to keep going to become that version.

  Copyright © 2026 Cultivate Life, All rights reserved.