It's Time to Integrate

I shared a blog at the end of July entitled, “You Chose to Follow.” In the blog, I told you about a soul part that got fragmented while following Holy Spirit into war. I explained that the part was very hurt and angry with God over the amount of hope deferred it’s experienced in the journey of simply following.

I also told you that he told me, “To get to the other side of the fragmentation you feel so deeply, you are going to have to see it for what it really is. You chose to go on this journey with me. You chose to walk out your scroll and every mandate I’ve laid before you. You chose to press yourself into the avenues and corridors I’ve asked. You’ve chosen to get up-close and uncomfortable with demons, powers, principalities, and thrones who’ve had legal rights to be positioned in high places. You’ve chosen to follow me when I’ve given you the keys and authority to overthrow demons, powers, principalities, and thrones. You’ve chosen to listen to my voice and press for more revelation to shake the frequencies and vibrations in the heavens and the earth. You’ve made these choices as you’ve willingly followed.”

After he shared this with me, I sat with it for a while. If I’m honest, my soul was a little shaken by the reverence I felt from the truth he spoke. It was very palpable and, in moments, uncomfortable.

I knew what he spoke was true. I could see how the hope deferred fragmented my soul from a series of following; however, I didn’t have a clue how I would help the part integrate. The part actually didn’t want to integrate. She was too angry for me to even attempt it.

So, for over a month I spent time letting the part speak when it needed to speak. Something would happen and suddenly I would find the part coming forward to give her opinion on the situation. Her points of pain centered around God’s “unfaithfulness.” How she knew God to be faithful, but then couldn’t understand why he still hadn’t been faithful in all of the areas she’d been pressing for.

Listening to the part sort this out was very fascinating because the rest of my soul and my spirit would just kind of pep her up and remind her of all of the victories from the past. Counting the victories and allowing her to speak and process thoughts helped a lot. More than anything I learned some very, very valuable and applicable lessons from this.

Because I am so focused on healing and integration, I’ve been hopeful the part will integrate back into the whole of my soul. I just haven’t known when or how.

Last Wednesday, I heard Holy Spirit say, “It’s time to integrate. The part is ready. I know her. I see her. I understand her. She is part of the whole of you. She is actually an important part of your soul. She is a part that, when inside of the whole, she helps make things go in a brilliant way. This part that has fragmented off has a function. Her function is not to feel hopeless and doubtful at all. This is why you struggled coming into July. This part has been hanging on by a thread this year. It’s been getting up and moving when it’s been told to get up and move; however, there was a breaking point in July. The breaking point came when she was outnumbered by the enemy. She’s been overworked by darkness and the ways of darkness. She was pressed on all sides and frustrated. It was challenging for her to lean into truth because so much opposition was against her.

It’s like she was encased by pure darkness and the thread connecting her to the whole of your soul finally broke. The thread could not hold onto her any longer.

Listen to me. This part is important to the whole of you. She is vital to the whole of you. You cannot advance in the days ahead without her. You need the essence inside of her to go forward. She means a great deal to the whole of who your soul is and her design.

You are learning that your soul can be fragmented when you’ve been given a massive assignment from heaven. You will need every bit of wisdom for the days ahead so that this doesn’t happen again. Although, it will probably happen again. I don’t need nor want it to happen again.

There are ways to advance without this happening again. It’s not this thing where trauma has happened at the cost of a horrible event. It is this thing where trauma has happened because you listened and pressed very hard, but your soul got very tired and looked somewhere else.

Now, a lot of people would say, ‘That shouldn’t happen because Jesus and Holy Spirit are present and the soul should not crack under pressure with them present.’ But I am telling you that when you go to war, especially the trailblazing war you’ve been inside of for years and years, fragmentation can happen. You are building the future and often times it hurts you. It knocks you down in the unkindest way and tells you that you aren’t who I’ve created you to be because the opposition is so strong.

I don’t blame you for not understanding the opposition beforehand. It’s something you’ve had to grow into. The understanding your enemy portion is something I’ve had to build as you’ve advanced. Sometimes you cannot and don’t have all of the intel until you are on the battlefield at war. You don’t see the levels and layers of insight the enemy is playing against you and against me.

You have to become wounded and grow into it. This is why I am a great source of healing and freedom. I want to heal you and free you right now.

The enemy is speaking to this part. It is pulling it down and terrifying it to the point of catastrophe. Catastrophe is not my way at all. I am not about disorder and catastrophe at all. You know this. So, I want you to see if this part will integrate now. I know it still feels hope deferred and it is also frustrated with me, but you need to be whole for what’s ahead. I need this part to have the faith and hope to step out and step back into the whole of you.”

The soul part spoke up. It said, “I will go with you. I will follow you. I don’t want to because I am scared, but I will try to trust that there is hope ahead. I am going to come with you. Please ask Jesus to reveal his power and might in what we’ve been doing immediately. I need to see something. I will go.”

Then I saw a battlefield and a diamond. I could see that this part, when integrated into the whole, looked like a facet on a diamond. As the diamond turned on its point, each facet of the diamond faced the opposition on the battlefield. I could see this part getting annihilated over and over again. It just kept taking blows. It’s good at taking blows. This part is tough. It is made for war. But something in it broke. Something in it said, “I’ve got to sit down and breathe. I cannot go any further. This is no man’s land and we haven’t advanced in so long. We’ve just been out here at war pressing.” Then, I saw the part walk away from the battlefield at the beginning of July. She walked away to sit down and breathe. She sat down on a bench and said she wasn’t going to do anymore right now. She needed to breathe. She said she was hurt and angry with so much. When she sat down, the battle didn’t quit though. It’s continued to rage and the rest of my soul was left up against the lines pressing so diligently without her.

When I saw these images, I realized how much I needed her to join the rest of me. She is the strongest part of me in the whole of my soul. Her essence is important. So, I finally asked Holy Spirit, “What moment actually broke her?”

He said, “I gave you an assignment and I told you over and over and over again to pay attention to Heaven. I told you to look up and watch what was pouring out of the courts of Heaven. I told you that what played out in the earth didn’t matter as much as what was playing out in Heaven. You didn’t pay as close of attention as you could’ve. The noise in the earth realm broke her. It’s the noise that got to her. It depleted her and she walked over to that bench over there and sat down. She’s been over there ever since. She’s just been sitting over there complaining about her pain and angry about her hope differed.

This is why you have to fix your eyes on me in these intense situations. Especially when we are up against so much. You know what Satan knows? Satan knows he was overcome. Satan knows that what you pressed up against was good and worthy and bringing an end to so much more hope deferred than your own.

Now, in the days ahead, this facet of your soul needs to stay lifted up and not look at what the earth is doing. This is a learning curve.”

After Holy Spirit shared this, the part integrated back into the whole of my soul. I feel like me again, but now I have more wisdom to go forward in whatever he is leading me into. Plus, I understand that my soul must “look up.” I cannot listen to the projections and the noise of the earth realm while I am fulfilling an assignment that is focused in the realms of heaven.

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